do I look like mother theresa?

Heather #1 perfectly represents the way in which strong, more intense women are often perceived by outsiders: as beautiful, yet aggressive, scary, intimidating, and awe-inspiring. Most importantly, better kept at a safe distance.

I don’t know. anyway. whatever.

Girls primp themselves, put on makeup, and wear nice, “form-flattering,” i.e. accentuating, clothes for a number of reasons. However, they primarily do this to attract a sexual partner. That is why when girls are around people they are comfortable with like their best friends or family, people who they aren’t trying to seduce, they are able to just go without these things and just be. Meanwhile, guys really don’t have to do much. I would say maybe they have to shower every so often, maybe brush their teeth sometimes, put on a clean shirt on the rare occasion, but on the whole they will get laid regardless if they do any of the aforementioned things. This, I do not understand. Has society not told us on several levels throughout our lives that men are the ones out for sex more so than women, and that they need women to do this (going to stay heteronormative on this one). Accordingly, they should ostensibly be the ones putting on colorful, tight clothes that show off their bodies, and strutting around hoping that we choose them and grace them with our presence and our participation in any sexual act or relationship.  Humankind has deviated from the animals in many ways, but a most striking way is in gender relations. One notable example is birds, where for the most part as far as I know (take note- I am not a biology student nor an expert on animal life), the male birds have colorful feathers and use this to attract the ladies. Why are we prancing around, begging for the attention? Also, once that attention is FINALLY gained (after agonizing hours of text message games), why is it that so many men decide they are over this shit, and move on to the next person. Also, why can men seemingly do that "on to the next one" thing so much more swiftly and carefree than women? We try SO HARD to achieve that level of nonchalance and yet it rarely seems to transpire, and when it does seemingly for other women, we doubt its veracity.  Several women I know, and I assume countless others, wish  they could go about sexual relationships in this manner:

Girl 1: Hi. I would like to have sex with you. Are you interested?
Boy 1: answer a) Yes. I have a penis. You are moderately attractive. Let’s go to whoever’s apartment is closest and use some form of pregnancy stopper.

answer b) no I have a girlfriend / wife / boyfriend / husband

answer c) No thanks.

And then, ideally, if this were to happen, and the boy’s answers were either b or c, the girl could just proceed to this conversation, somewhere else, later that day, without any major drama.

Girl 1: “Hi. I find you sexually attractive. Are you interested?”
Boy 2: Yes. I have a penis. You are moderately attractive. Let’s go to whoever’s apartment is closest and use some form of pregnancy stopper.

Girl 1: Cool let’s go.

If you are at a vending machine, and they are out of coke, but you are thirsty, you should arguably be able to just get over it and buy sprite. Or rather, alternatively, go to the dep across the street and buy coke there. But that does not happen. Girls tend to stand outside the vending machine for a while, thinking about why the machine didn't produce the coke. Girl 1 will then tend to mull on the fact that Boy 1 rejected her and think about the number of reasons why this could be the case and about what is wrong with her. Meanwhile, the reason she was rejected could be a number of things, and be entirely on him.

In any case because the world is populated by so many people, one would think it would be easier to adopt this “on to the next one” attitude. However, for some reason, it does not seem to be working for so many wonderful girls. Several of my friends and I have been told, or have just concluded ourselves, that in order to be a part of a relationship, to gain that elusive status, we must give up a part of ourselves. I have heard (mostly from older people. Mostly from parents) that us “smart” girls will meet the right person at some point who will appreciate our intelligence and our weirdness. However, I wonder if we do not need to sacrifice at least a part of ourselves in order to become a part of a “whole,” and also, if it is even worth it in the end when you become this shell of your true self. Are you more truly happy when you are your unbroken, single self, or is there greater happiness achieved in losing part of yourself in a relationship. I don’t know. Anyway. Whatever.

An education

Don’t make me cry. Don’t tell me that I can’t cry. Don’t tell me that crying makes me crazy. Don’t pretend like we haven’t been introduced several times. Don’t pretend to not know my name when you have facebook stalked me at least ten times. Don’t call me fat behind my back. Don't call me ugly behind my back. Don't call me things, period. Don’t belittle me. Don’t exaggerate. Don’t fuck me up. Don’t call me stupid behind my back. Don’t treat me badly. Don’t ignore me. Don’t make up shit about me. Don’t make up anything about me. Don’t speak to me like you are better than me. Don’t think you are better than me. Don’t try to beat me. Don’t try to make me feel badly about myself. Don’t take the side of assholes. Don’t break my heart. Don’t hurt my feelings. Don’t kick me when I am down. Don’t mistreat me. Don’t tell me what to do. Don’t try to be me. Don’t tell me who I am. Don’t pretend you are my friend. Don’t pretend.

who needs therapy.

The eternal question. Who does or does not need therapy? Who is considered normal, i.e. not needing therapy, and who is the abnormal, the weird, confused, depressed. Could we not all benefit from talking to somebody who is entirely objective about our problems, unload it on them for an hour, and hear their perspective on it. Their judgment wouldn’t be clouded by the fact they love us, and are scared of hurting us, like our friends and family would, who we regularly go to in times of crisis. Talking to a stranger probably could do everyone a bit of good. Why then is there the stigma of going to therapy? Why, when discussing with a friend about how I cried the past two times when I have drank more than usual, did he interrupt me to say, “maybe you should think about therapy.” This struck a nerve. Why me? Am I not normal? Is crying a bad thing? Have I crossed the threshold from cute to scary? I am currently scared that my friend may be right. That yes, I may need therapy. However, I am also of the opinion that I know what is wrong. Or that I am in my twenties and know nothing and that I am okay with that. I don’t need a therapist to delve into my psyche to tell me why I feel a certain way, why I feel alternatively angry, sad, and then happy again when I block out the former feelings. I continue to be disappointed with the way people behave around me and I cannot help but feel sad about this. We are all going to die, and yet we behave in such a way that suggests that we will have all the time in the world to correct our mistakes. This is not the case.  People should be more aware of their mortality, because then perhaps they would act accordingly, and be kinder to others and more considerate. People might take more action, go for what they want, be daring, take risks, build relationships, be friendly, be better. However, people don’t. People do not know how to be. This angers me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. But then so does everybody.