I have spent years, as a fly girl on the wall in the room of boys. Never sexualized, thus with lots of time on my hands, to sit back and be quietly observant. And I can tell you, that many boys, (unfortunately, many men as well), believe that the key to a women’s heart – no, sorry, the key to a women’s vagina, is being an asshole. Why? Because, we like it. At first. So it works, guys. Be an asshole.
My question is - why does it work? I believe the answer is why most stupid things make their way to the top of the success ladder of life. Because we let it work. Moreover, we normalize, and naturalize self-destructive processes, and then have the audacity to complain about the structure of our everyday existence. (Hi, capitalism, racism, and the ever-so-fun, sexism). We’re all in on the same game, and then we complain about its rules. But we live as though no educational institutions ever forced us to read a book on revolution, in our primary years, and continue to follow the rules, that structure the norms we hate.
(Guys, it’s still weird to be weird, when we are all clearly weird, and love weird things. That’s so weird.)
So we perpetuate this “Douchebag Myth.” We suggest that its redeemable, if not acceptable, to be forthright about being an asshole. Just look at Hip-Hop and The Braggadocio Effect. In this context, the appeal of confidence and cockiness becomes blurred into one, hot, rhyme-fest. And girls continue to flock and squeal over jerks, but scarily enough, self-proclaimed jerks.
In 2010, Kanye West released both a single, and delicious piece of aesthetic porn, in honour of this mentality. He threw up a giant neon warning sign to the heterosexual female gender. He said, “I don’t know what it is with females, but I’m not too good at that shit.” He warned,” Run away from me, baby, run away. It's about to get crazy, why can't she just, run away? Baby, I got a plan, run away fast as you can.”
Donald Glover, self-proclaimed teenage nerd, very unabashedly, almost too consistently, spends his writing time, proclaiming the total difficulty he had in getting laid, when younger. “Getting time of day from a model is new to me.” Why? Because he used to be the nice guy, we consistently let finish last. So one day, he twisted his newfound Braggadacio confidence, into an emotionally abusive Kanye-Runaway train. And when you get pissed, he’ll just flash single after single back to your face. “Are you ready to cry? Cause I'm no good, no good. Ooh girl, I wanna try. I'm an awful guy and I'm always away. And I'm tryin' to say, I'm a piece of shit. Believe in this I'm tellin' you”.
I told you, he’ll say.
It’s gotten to a point where perfectly nice guys (and, I do believe that all human beings have the potential for goodness – I am an avid Joss Whedon fan, after all), actually take the time to put effort into being something they’re not. Inconsiderate, selfish, and, just plain mean. In fact, I was having a conversation with a male friend the other day, and after he did a consecutive set of sweet, empathetic acts, I said, “Aww, thank you!” He literally stopped, turned, and threw something at me. “Hey!” I said. “Don’t get the wrong idea,” he said, “I’m an asshole.” This was followed by a big gummy grin. His initial instinct was that he obviously cared for me, and wanted to lend a helping hand to my particular situation – he really just wanted to be nice. But that’s not how rappers get laid.
So what am I saying? Date the nice guy? Sure. Am I getting into a discussion about the psychological reasoning behind being attractive to men that are bad for you? There’s definitely a discussion there. Do I hate hip-hop? Lord, no. Am I justifying “The Douchebag Myth?” No. It’s not okay that being a mean person gets you nice things.
But when they tell you, this is what they will actively make an attempt to do, and be? Don’t be surprised.
Runaway, baby.
Also, this.
My question is - why does it work? I believe the answer is why most stupid things make their way to the top of the success ladder of life. Because we let it work. Moreover, we normalize, and naturalize self-destructive processes, and then have the audacity to complain about the structure of our everyday existence. (Hi, capitalism, racism, and the ever-so-fun, sexism). We’re all in on the same game, and then we complain about its rules. But we live as though no educational institutions ever forced us to read a book on revolution, in our primary years, and continue to follow the rules, that structure the norms we hate.
(Guys, it’s still weird to be weird, when we are all clearly weird, and love weird things. That’s so weird.)
So we perpetuate this “Douchebag Myth.” We suggest that its redeemable, if not acceptable, to be forthright about being an asshole. Just look at Hip-Hop and The Braggadocio Effect. In this context, the appeal of confidence and cockiness becomes blurred into one, hot, rhyme-fest. And girls continue to flock and squeal over jerks, but scarily enough, self-proclaimed jerks.
In 2010, Kanye West released both a single, and delicious piece of aesthetic porn, in honour of this mentality. He threw up a giant neon warning sign to the heterosexual female gender. He said, “I don’t know what it is with females, but I’m not too good at that shit.” He warned,” Run away from me, baby, run away. It's about to get crazy, why can't she just, run away? Baby, I got a plan, run away fast as you can.”
Donald Glover, self-proclaimed teenage nerd, very unabashedly, almost too consistently, spends his writing time, proclaiming the total difficulty he had in getting laid, when younger. “Getting time of day from a model is new to me.” Why? Because he used to be the nice guy, we consistently let finish last. So one day, he twisted his newfound Braggadacio confidence, into an emotionally abusive Kanye-Runaway train. And when you get pissed, he’ll just flash single after single back to your face. “Are you ready to cry? Cause I'm no good, no good. Ooh girl, I wanna try. I'm an awful guy and I'm always away. And I'm tryin' to say, I'm a piece of shit. Believe in this I'm tellin' you”.
I told you, he’ll say.
It’s gotten to a point where perfectly nice guys (and, I do believe that all human beings have the potential for goodness – I am an avid Joss Whedon fan, after all), actually take the time to put effort into being something they’re not. Inconsiderate, selfish, and, just plain mean. In fact, I was having a conversation with a male friend the other day, and after he did a consecutive set of sweet, empathetic acts, I said, “Aww, thank you!” He literally stopped, turned, and threw something at me. “Hey!” I said. “Don’t get the wrong idea,” he said, “I’m an asshole.” This was followed by a big gummy grin. His initial instinct was that he obviously cared for me, and wanted to lend a helping hand to my particular situation – he really just wanted to be nice. But that’s not how rappers get laid.
So what am I saying? Date the nice guy? Sure. Am I getting into a discussion about the psychological reasoning behind being attractive to men that are bad for you? There’s definitely a discussion there. Do I hate hip-hop? Lord, no. Am I justifying “The Douchebag Myth?” No. It’s not okay that being a mean person gets you nice things.
But when they tell you, this is what they will actively make an attempt to do, and be? Don’t be surprised.
Runaway, baby.
Also, this.
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