19 Tips for Males in 2012

Yesterday on Thought Catalog, Christopher Hudspeth wrote an article entitled 19 Tips for Females in 2012 which paints women (once again, sigh) as materialistic, silly, appearance-obsessed cliches. The article was tagged with a disclaimer that reads "I know these tips don't apply to the majority of females and I'm kidding (for the most part)," and I sense this was done to stop women from finding where he lives and egging his overly expensive apartment in Williamsburg. As a reaction to this list, I now present 19 Tips for Males in 2012. 


Disclaimer: I know these tips apply to the majority of males between twenty and twenty-six and I am not kidding (for the most part)


1. If her greatest attribute is a nice body, run in the opposite direction (Smart girls are better because (shock!) you can actually talk to them
2. Start approaching girls and stop being afraid of them, because we still want to be pursued though we are "modern" and self-professed feminists. Really, it doesn't take much. 
3. Don't believe that girls do not want sex as much as guys because that really is not true at all. 
4. Just because a girl has an edgy hair cut does not make her an interesting individual.
5. Always. ALWAYS take the advice and listen to Beyonce about how to treat women. 
6. It is alright to watch sports and talk about sports but don't get mad if I get bored sometimes. 
7. Do not wear tattered, dirty clothing. This causes instant loss of hard on for women. 
8. Do wear t shirts that expose nice arms. Nice arms are nice. 
9. We get it, you like dubstep. Just don't shit on other people's music. There are other genres out there! 
10. Personal hygiene is as significant as you think. I have heard of plenty of girls rejecting decent guys because they didn't shower enough, or because they shaved improperly.
11. Don't "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man." Start acting like a gentleman and approach a lady like a man. Bring chivalry back. We like this.  
12. It is probably best to respond to texts immediately instead of waiting to appear aloof. Express interest or disinterest in a time effective manner. Games are not appreciated. 
13. If you base your expectations of women on porn, or on Charlize Theron films, please stop. 
14. Rule of Thumb: If she cancels plans on her girlfriends for you, she really cares for you. A girl's best friends are the most important thing to her. 
15. Never say or think "She is not very pretty, but I think regardless, I kind of love her." No. If you did love her, you would and should think she is the most beautiful, amazing person.
16. Stop thinking we don't like to eat. We love to eat. Food is great. Bring on the cheese. All the cheese. Cheese is the way to our heart. Screw flowers.  
17. Don't neglect us for Call of Duty, World of Warcraft or any number of video games. Play it when you don't have plans with us, sure, but don't neglect us to play a video game because that is pretty immature. Plus, it won't have sex with you. 
18. STOP thinking we hate on other women so much. It seems that you are the ones being overly critical, using a woman's "moustache hair" or Adele hips as a reason to not date her. Don't put that shit on us. 
19. Stop making things so complicated. Boys like girls. Girls like boys. Boys like Boys. Girls like Girls. Just get on it. Just do it and don't even think about it.