dear evil hipster ex-boyfriend

I am writing to you here, on feministwerewolf, not because I expect you to read it because let’s face it, I am pretty sure you can’t read. Also, you demonstrated no interest in me, or knowing anything about me after we broke up. Somehow, guys are able to just clean break away from ex girlfriends whereas girls now use social media in its various incarnations to keep tabs on any and all previous boyfriends or even one night stands. As is mentioned in the book Admission, which I am reading, which you do not know I am reading because you stopped caring what I do with my time, there is a key passage where the protagonist (sorry, main character) Portia Nathan rightfully states that “Every single woman on the planet with internet access and a modicum of curiosity possessed the vital statistics of every man or woman she had loved, let go, been spurned by, come to loathe, or still longed for.” I am writing this letter here because it is a good venue for me to voice my frustration at you, especially since I deleted you from facebook because seeing your face so glib and at ease was frustrating. So, there you go. There are a number of things I wish to express to you at this very moment. Stop doing Facebook wrong. Stop liking pictures that I am in. It ruins them. You are really not allowed to do that. Let’s be honest, why don’t you return to ex boyfriend/ hipster oblivion where you belong. Stop being mentioned in stories by my best friend who happens to be friends with you for whatever reason. I particularly did not like hearing that you have a new girlfriend when you distinctly said you did not want to be in a relationship. I knew you were lying. I told you that. Yet you looked at me dumbfounded. 5 months of beyonce have passed. Yet, every time your name is mentioned, it is like I am being jabbed in the back by a little pixie holding a pixie-sized pencil.  It is not really that painful, but an odd reminder that you once meant something to me, but that now all you are to me is this evil, bad person. All I ask is that you stop existing in story and facebook avatar form, and recognize that it sucks to be you right now. k?