just leave me alone.

I just began to wonder why friends fight and how different friends fight with each other, and what it is about really with these different friends. I think with the friends you have an actual meaningful relationship with of worth, you can easily call them on their shit, on the weird character quirks/flaws/habits they have. Essentially, you bully your best friends because though you know they are the best, no one is perfect, we are all different, and when we don’t like something one of them is doing, we tell them to stop doing it. Not because you will actually stop being friends with this person because you are criticizing them for these things because that is not a thing with these types of friends. We just do it because we are family and family is critical of family. You are just trying to  keep them tough, make them see their weakness in order to help them survive! However, with friends who try to maintain friendships long past their expiration date, you wonder how to tell them you are just not interested in doing the friendship effort thing. Ughhh just let it die organically. If we are meant to be friends at some point, it will happen. But right now, is it not a thing that they must sense that the whole thing is over? Friendship breakups are different than relationship breakups because we expect friendships to just dissipate while presumably a relationship breakup is supposed to come to a severe, pointed end.  You have to let the other one know in a romantic relationship that it is over, but with friendships you almost half expect for the other to just kind of get it and stop the charade of its success. However that does not happen a lot of the time, which is absolutely frustrating. I have come to a point in my life where I know and recognize my great, amazing, wonderfully weird friends who share my understanding of what constitutes a solid, easy friendship, where the relationship is understood to be based on reciprocity. The others, who come to me only when they need me for something, are no longer worth my time. With time, I have developed the self-confidence (or ego, depending on how you perceive it) to understand that one of my best qualities is my ability to be a good friend, and thus I understand my friendship has value reserved only for those who deserve it.  I no longer wish to be the person who seeks to appease everybody and be well liked by everybody because it is leaving me feeling like a pushover who is constantly used by others when they need and placed aside when it is convenient. I am over this high school bullshit. Get over your shit. Be good friends. Or get the fuck out of my life and disappear into faded friendship oblivion.